With apologies to Theresa May and The Sun.
Walking is now a part of our daily lives — it’s how we go to the travel agents to book our holidays, buy our Christmas presents and meet our friends.
But walking can also be abused by criminals, paedophiles and terrorists who want to cover their tracks and keep their communication secret.
Right now, the police and security agencies use information from watching people walking around to solve crime and keep us safe.
Looking at where a suspect has walked up to can lead the police to other criminals. Whole paedophile rings, criminal conspiracies and terrorist plots can then be smashed.
Such data has been used in every security service terrorism investigation and serious organised crime investigations since the police force was first created.
We cannot afford to lose this vital law enforcement tool. But currently not all walking by criminals can always be tracked.
That’s why the Government is proposing to help the police stay one step ahead of the criminals.
There are no plans for any big Government database of perambulations. No one is going to be looking through ordinary people’s walking, jogging or running habits.
We are simply asking shoe manufacturers to include an RFID tracking chip in every pair of shoes they sell.
Only suspected terrorists, paedophiles or serious criminals will be investigated.
As Home Secretary I have a responsibility to keep the British public safe. That is exactly what I intend to do.
For the serious stuff, see my other posts on the topic.