Mark Pack

As you can see from the photo, I’ve written to Her Majesty today. Why? Well, being a well brought-up dog, I always thought the correct response to mistaken ankle nibbling was to say, “Pardon, I am most sorry and in fact I am pleased to meet you” (Etiquette for Dogs, Chapter 4, Lesson 3).

My world has therefore been turned upside down with a discovery made whilst catching up on the British press from last week out here on holiday. For the shocking revelation is that the mother of Kate Middleton (the woman who now won’t be Queen) had – according to Royal Courtiers quoted in the press – committed numerous etiquette faux pas by using the word “pardon” and the phrase “pleased to meet you”.

I had always been quite partial to “pardon” I must admit. I thought it was a lovely, well-rounded and polite word to be used by dogs who have been properly brought up. Clearly I was all wrong.

As for my party trick of being able to bark “pleased to meet you” in seven languages (Gezohem qe te takova, Urte askotarako, Hauska tavata, Sehr erfreut , Barasho wacan, Woofee woofty woof and – just for Lembit – Meeldiv tutvuda), well – it clearly was in fact leaving the whole room offended.

The shame of it! It’s a good thing I am pink already as that just hides a smidgen of the burning embarrassment I now feel.

Anyway, I have decided to put myself on the right and proper track and have written to Her Maj complimenting her on her corgis (they’re really very cheeky when you get to know them) and asking what words I should use instead in future. Here’s hoping!