Jacqui Smith: the Home Secretary is in a third spot of bother

First she told us that no real people are ever to be found walking in Hackney after midnight. (On reflection, I’m quite pleased that this means I’m not a real person. After all, surely only real people would be covered by the Government’s ID cards scheme? I think we may have found a loophole here folks…).

Then she told us that she never walks anywhere she hasn’t been before. (Don’t try to work out how she goes anywhere for the first time. Your head will just hurt.)

And now, dramatic drum roll please … it turns out that her defence of, ‘hey, look, I’m really a normal person after all, I mean, I’ve been out and bought a kebab at night in Peckham, I really do understand how normal people who walk around now and again actually live’ is slightly undermined by one tiny fact.

It wasn’t at night at all when said kebab was purchased. It was tea time.

Good thing that giving misleading information about kebab-purchasing habits isn’t one of the 3,000 new offences introduced under Labour so far.