Cripes, crikey and cascading cucumbers. I see some humans are up in arms (or down in the gutter) not liking a Heinz TV ad showing two men briefly kissing and not knowing what to say to their kids.

But there’s WORSE NEWS!

Have you not seen how some footballers embrace each other and even indulge in lips on skin action when a goal is scored? Whatever can those parents tell their kids when THAT happens. Ban football from TV now! It’s the only way to save our country’s morals!

Please now stand and join me in singing the national anthem.